Selfish

The disappointed in his tone was very much evident. I had played all my points in my mind over and over again several times. I could not even open my case. The arguement was over even before it started. As I was getting ready my phone rang, I have been waiting for his call and the arguement that was going to accompany it. It was going to be tough. But I lost all my will in just one sentence of his...."Oh!! So you are not coming.... But u said the last time..anyways Okk have fun and if you wish come home for two days" I cant describe the tone.
I hate to be in a position when you have to make a difficult decision and when there is a tussle between you mind and heart. It always makes me feel guilty of urself. It seems all these years of education has ruined me in the sense that it has transformed me from a "heart guy" to "mind guy". Mind guy is always worried about the societial norms and about what the people think of him. I have often wondered in my time of solitude how selfish is selfish. Of course as a kid not sharing your apple with your cousin was deemed as selfish. But then thats a very objective criteria. In this world the instant gratification seeking is anyways considered to be selfish. But what about the things that are not so mundane. What about things/activities/people that are close to your heart and have to give them up just to give happiness to people whom you love. And what about, if the very choices which are possible only because of the people against whom you are going to choose. I really havent found the answer to my problem yet and probably would never understand it untill I go to the other side. Probably I am not yet mature enough to understand it. But I am confident that I can never be termed as selfish but then...."Kya Karey Kya na Karey"

Music Rediscovered

As I enter the twilight of my stay at IIMC I am once again rediscovering little things that once were very essential for my survival. In my heydays back at my grad school I couldnt sleep without music on. Then age caught up with me (sic.) and music became just noise and nuiance to me, just another hinderance to understand that black-scholes formula.
But this new time has once again brought the changes , the favourable ones. Now I once again like music on my system. In fact I love music now once again. You have no idea howmuch I love music and how much it means to me, and what I get out of it.
Sometimes it's the melody,
sometimes it's the lyrics,
sometimes it's the artist,
sometimes it's the language,
sometimes it's the sometimes it may be nothing and just the people with you.
but most often it's the dynamic combination of all of these and that something mystical that just works together to create magic. And when it does work together? It's glorious. Transcendent.

I was listening to a song recently and it hit me that a particular line in the song may be one of my all time favourite lines of lyric, ever. Most of the songs I remember have usually some close people attached to it. Of course I cant go on disclose wat song do I associate with you or someone else for that matter. If I do that I'll be disclosing all my secrets buried deep in me and hence will have to kill you.