Selfish

The disappointed in his tone was very much evident. I had played all my points in my mind over and over again several times. I could not even open my case. The arguement was over even before it started. As I was getting ready my phone rang, I have been waiting for his call and the arguement that was going to accompany it. It was going to be tough. But I lost all my will in just one sentence of his...."Oh!! So you are not coming.... But u said the last time..anyways Okk have fun and if you wish come home for two days" I cant describe the tone.
I hate to be in a position when you have to make a difficult decision and when there is a tussle between you mind and heart. It always makes me feel guilty of urself. It seems all these years of education has ruined me in the sense that it has transformed me from a "heart guy" to "mind guy". Mind guy is always worried about the societial norms and about what the people think of him. I have often wondered in my time of solitude how selfish is selfish. Of course as a kid not sharing your apple with your cousin was deemed as selfish. But then thats a very objective criteria. In this world the instant gratification seeking is anyways considered to be selfish. But what about the things that are not so mundane. What about things/activities/people that are close to your heart and have to give them up just to give happiness to people whom you love. And what about, if the very choices which are possible only because of the people against whom you are going to choose. I really havent found the answer to my problem yet and probably would never understand it untill I go to the other side. Probably I am not yet mature enough to understand it. But I am confident that I can never be termed as selfish but then...."Kya Karey Kya na Karey"