Phonies

Reading people is one of my pass times i relish doing. It gives me an opportunity to know them more closely.
What turns me off is the phonies all around you. People whom you think to be genuine and then discover they are not. I have made really good friends in my life and have met enough people to judge on the phony Index. There are people on all the levels.
There are people very distant from your life, something like a public figure who might touch your life a wee bit ala Arjun Singh or may be a phony crap like Arindam Chaudhary. I do not really care for this category.
Then there would be people closer to you who are phonies like people in your distant relation or in your college, your classmates. Mind you classmates and not friends. They might be your group mate and working with them might be difficult. I would get annoyed by them. But still they would not hurt me.
Then there are people whom you consider friend who might turn out to be phony as well. These friends would be someone who go out with share some part of your life but not everything. Their phoniness would hurt me a bit, rather it would pinch me. I would get over it very easily as these are not someone whom you had thought to be friends forever.
Then people who are even closer, your close cousin or your close friends with whom you share almost everything about your life though not everything. What do you do when you find out you can find phonies there as well? I would get hurt and would shut myself from such friends. But still I easily deal with it.
But the people who top the list of phonies would be people life your own sibling, your girlfriend or boyfriend or your closest friends whom you trust with your life, and turning out to be phonies. This would really break me apart. I always dread this breach in my life. I dont want someone to get so close to me and yet turning out to be a phony. Probably I am too trusting to see between the lines. Or may be I do not trust everyone very easily. But if once I do, I do it with my life. I would really hate someone if he/she ever comes close to me but only does a lip service. I am really thankfull, that I have few of the best people around me.
Another set of phonies I would not like is someone who'll get u to 8446 mts on the everest only to use you as his step for going up to 8448 mts and give u the dreaded shove. I would rather like to go only till 6000mts with the person honestly, than getting the shove at 8446. I have this fear that there are people in my life who belong to this category and I want to put it right before getting the shove.
But in the end life has to go on and so I dont care much about phonies- any category. Only may be the recovery time is different. :)

Words

In the bantering games I have often prided myself with the usage of words. You can get a spicy meaning of an innocuous looking word spoken by your friends. Of course this is an art which is extensively used in any college hostel. But whats bothering me is that it is taking a life of its own. I have no longer control over it.
Of course I have never been forthright to many of my friends and my family members on many(few?) aspects of my life. I have led an independent life and have planned to be like that. That explains my taciturn ways. I have been headstrong, that is till now which explains I do not share my thoughts on my personal life. This is whyI would often try to hide behind those words. They have most of the time shielded me from difficult times. But was it enough?
I have read many pertinent desciption of words. And the conclusion is that Words are like the winds that blow ripples on the water's surface. But the river itself flows beneath, unseen and unheard. During different points of time I have often been envied by people for my seemingly happy face. But I believe my predicament these days is quite similar to the above description of river.

Selfish

The disappointed in his tone was very much evident. I had played all my points in my mind over and over again several times. I could not even open my case. The arguement was over even before it started. As I was getting ready my phone rang, I have been waiting for his call and the arguement that was going to accompany it. It was going to be tough. But I lost all my will in just one sentence of his...."Oh!! So you are not coming.... But u said the last time..anyways Okk have fun and if you wish come home for two days" I cant describe the tone.
I hate to be in a position when you have to make a difficult decision and when there is a tussle between you mind and heart. It always makes me feel guilty of urself. It seems all these years of education has ruined me in the sense that it has transformed me from a "heart guy" to "mind guy". Mind guy is always worried about the societial norms and about what the people think of him. I have often wondered in my time of solitude how selfish is selfish. Of course as a kid not sharing your apple with your cousin was deemed as selfish. But then thats a very objective criteria. In this world the instant gratification seeking is anyways considered to be selfish. But what about the things that are not so mundane. What about things/activities/people that are close to your heart and have to give them up just to give happiness to people whom you love. And what about, if the very choices which are possible only because of the people against whom you are going to choose. I really havent found the answer to my problem yet and probably would never understand it untill I go to the other side. Probably I am not yet mature enough to understand it. But I am confident that I can never be termed as selfish but then...."Kya Karey Kya na Karey"

Music Rediscovered

As I enter the twilight of my stay at IIMC I am once again rediscovering little things that once were very essential for my survival. In my heydays back at my grad school I couldnt sleep without music on. Then age caught up with me (sic.) and music became just noise and nuiance to me, just another hinderance to understand that black-scholes formula.
But this new time has once again brought the changes , the favourable ones. Now I once again like music on my system. In fact I love music now once again. You have no idea howmuch I love music and how much it means to me, and what I get out of it.
Sometimes it's the melody,
sometimes it's the lyrics,
sometimes it's the artist,
sometimes it's the language,
sometimes it's the sometimes it may be nothing and just the people with you.
but most often it's the dynamic combination of all of these and that something mystical that just works together to create magic. And when it does work together? It's glorious. Transcendent.

I was listening to a song recently and it hit me that a particular line in the song may be one of my all time favourite lines of lyric, ever. Most of the songs I remember have usually some close people attached to it. Of course I cant go on disclose wat song do I associate with you or someone else for that matter. If I do that I'll be disclosing all my secrets buried deep in me and hence will have to kill you.

FLIP FLOPS- To be or Not to be

Have you ever seen a pair of FLIP-FLOPS( even the electronic chips one) . Have you ever been hit by the proverbial "Kya Karein Kya na Karein" Syndrome. Its one of the worst situations to be in. As a kid we think shall I eat a chocolate or an icecream. When we are at the stage of adolescence we think shall I sit in the class with that cute girl in pink (;))or my cricket pal. When you grow further you think shall I propose that girl or wait to become a better friend and then do something. As we grow up the problems become more and more complex. Wise men say that its good to have options. Then why is it so damn difficult to excercise them. Once we become more informed why do we start seeing complexities and of the shades of grey in our surroundings.
2 AM I am all set to go to south of france on exchange with few close friends. 7 AM after the call from home the "Kya Karein Kya na Karein" Syndrome hits me. Shall I go shall I ditch. What are the Pros and Cons. Lets weigh them once more. But unfortunately this is not a Numerical problem that could be solved so easily. I need more information. I frantically call few good friends whom i considered would be experts in the field. And suddenly I Flip-Flopped. 6 hours, 3 phonecalls and you get a Flip-Flop. The problem does'nt ends there, when your decision is affecting other's decisions as well. (Un)Fortunately my two good friends are even a greater Flip-Floppers. 1 hour, few more phonecalls and bingo! everyone of us have Flip-Flopped. What would you call this- "Dynamism", naah this is what the "Kya Karein Kya na Karein" Syndrome is. And come to think of it we are the budding managers. God help this planet. But now decided we stand, no more Flip Flops.

The Time Gone By and To Come

I once started writing blogs by dedicating it to 4 of my best friends at College though it was a time to look back. I once again write this dedicated to 4 of my best friends yet again at a college and this time for a time to look forward to.

Two years have passed since I passed out my beloved grad school and I had forgotten the idea of having fun. Thanks to 4 of you I feel young by at least two years. Two years before I never thought I would be able to form a close knit friend circle again that I talked about in my very first blog. But thanks to this place that brought us together and once again I am able to relive my memories (memories are always good and sugery).
The last few days have been the most lively ones in some really long time. Each day has been better than the past one. Calcutta seemed like an alien place to start with but now it has become acceptable. Not that the city has improved its just the chemistry between the friends that has sugercoated the discomforts.
I hope with times to come we'll let this grow.(Aur kisi ki nazar na lagey :D)
Animesh ek Sher ho jaaye isi per :-)

The Road Trip- Part 2

The Journey- Part 2 (About K and B)
Let me introduce two more characters of the story whom i will be using a lot,Lets say MissX & Miss Y.
So we hit the road once again and soon we are off the expressway into the bong hinterland where the only thing that seems to work is the sign language. Meanwhile inside the car a fight has broken between two of the oldest friends K and Bansiman over X and Y. And as rightly pointed by some saint in medival period "Ladkiyan saari fasaad ki Jad hotin hain"(To the fairer sex this is not my line :D). Now the scene here is a bit peculiar because you would think wats the problem, two handsome(?) blokes and two Pretty(?) ladies everything seems to be settled. But the problem is X likes K, but K likes Y but Y likes B and B likes another K. Phew!! if Raj Sippy was here he would have made lot of dough on this story. Anyways the fight continues both of them exchange blows(verbal) and the result inconclusive and it seems that both of them like both of them. With this fire raging AJ goes on to snooz mode. Seems she didn't like the fact that K and Bansiman are hogging all the limelight. So we sing her our favourite song once more. By now you know which one. She wakes up and starts hurling back the seemingly benign but deathly remarks. K and Bansiman dig deep into the history and bring out some more dirt on the table. When ever there is an opportunity K gets down the car and flashes his coooool bright Red pajama usually wore by Miss D.
This way fighting, singing, swearing, dozing we reach our destination, DIG-DIGGA.
The Movie Making

In the Midst of this carnage the creative K conceptualizes a movie "Su-Lax-Mi-A MAGICal tale of 4 cities". The movie travels from Jaipur to Kolkata to Dehradun to Thailand(for magical moments). Director post is assigned to Kavivar for his obvious tail-ent, lead actor is Bansiman, lead actress is AJ, urs truly has also a little insignifiacnt part of carrying roses from the lead actor and actress to their respective Beaus. And All the MAGICAL moments are provided by K so that people are bound to say "Ab Kya hoga". So there are 4 puppets in the hand of an able puppeteer Kavivar. Lets hope he makes a good movie.

Contd..